Stresssssssss

Have you ever felt like you just want to curl up in a ball, fall asleep and wake up with your whole life plan set out for you? - A plan that doesn't involve you needing to waste your time earning money or constantly changing your mind?
This is exactly how I've felt this evening.

I'm not the richest person in the world, I have no money saved up for university or travelling or anything like that. I barely have enough money to buy a packet of chewing gum! Yet I know God has called me to missions work, which funnily enough as God's plans usually do, involves things that I don't have. And it's this thought that I'm struggling with today... this battle between God's Will and the horrible way that our world works.

Earlier on today I spent £22 on a piece of paper to say I can redo an exam, £4.40 on a bus ticket for a 20 minute journey, remembered I still need to buy my £40 ticket for an up coming conference, and was reminded once again of the staggeringly high university fees that I am going to have to pay in the next year or so.

I found myself asking the question; how in this financial situation can I even afford to think about being a missionary travelling the world, and doing a Theology degree?!
Is God playing some kind of practical joke on me? Making me waste said years of my life dreaming of a future I will never be able to have because the world we live in is run by money and lots of it! I thought I had everything mapped out for next year; discipleship year and a few short term mission trips. Sorted. But oh wait... that comes with a massive price tag. So I started hunting for other, cheaper, options but somehow none seemed to fit the shoes of current plans. This is clearly a sign from God right? - well yea, but stressed out me didn't think so - stressed out me thought it would be a good idea to sulk about the bad things in the world and in my life, forgetting that actually I was making a fool of myself in front on God. Why was I getting my knickers in a twist about plans that haven't even happened yet? They're God's plans not mine so why am I stressing?

As I've been writing this blog I have found myself coming back to this incredible bit of scripture in Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I might be going through a hard time at the moment, confused about what I should do next, worried about how I'm going to fund everything, stressing out with exams... but tonight I have been reminded that I just need to put all my trust in God, because he has given me this life and he is not going to let me waste it. He has an amazing plan for the rest of my life, he isn't going to let me be harmed or beaten down, and if somehow I do, he will pick me back up again, because his love for me is unfathomable and he is my eternal Father.